Our Hero: Magdalena

This week was absolutely profound. It began with many readings and videos about ethics and integrity. I was especially touched by this quote about Ezra Taft Benson, taken from a devotional by Sheri Dew:

"He acts like a man whose conscience is always clear–his testimony today will be the same next week...or a year from now. He doesn’t have to remember what he said to an opposition Senator at their last meeting. This is a built-in ulcer-saving device not always found in Washington" (New York Times Magazine, 11 April 1954).

I want to have such consistent morals and convictions that I never have to guess what I said about an important matter. I want to be so firm in my beliefs that I'll never cave and say something I don't mean.

I also gained a lot from a devotional called "Making a Living and a Life" by Elder Lynn G. Robbins. In this devotional, Elder Robbins discusses the importance of both making a living and taking care of the people around us. He uses a letter grading system to illustrate what level a person or company can be at in regards to motives. I am so grateful to work for a Grade A company.

Elder Robbins says this about Level A: "They will be a beloved employer and endeavor to help, not only their customers, but also their employees and community. They will have a baker’s dozen mentality with superior customer service." For the last year, I've been in an atmosphere of incredible love and encouragement, and we have the best customer service I've ever seen. We often talk about our 'hustle' to help our customers and the importance of dropping everything to do so. I hope I can always remain at Level A as I start my own business and walk through life.

In class, we also did a case study on a woman named Magdalena Yesil, and she is absolutely inspiring. The thing that impressed me most about her life and personality is that she didn't get discouraged. She was so brave and patient as she made her way from a young girl in Hungary to a successful, educated entrepreneur in America. She was also very teachable - a trait I'm still trying to develop. I hope to have the fire, passion, and light of Magdalena as I pursue my own dreams.

Childhood Dreams

This week, Randy Pausch's last lecture was part of my readings. I was asked to reflect on how he achieved his childhood dreams, and I think a lot of it is due to his determination and enthusiasm for life. He recognized the things he enjoyed and took it one step further from enjoyment to creation - such as his love for Disneyland.

One of my greatest childhood dreams was to become an actress. I was blessed with many opportunities growing up to pursue this dream. I was part of a local TV show and auditioned for a part in Les Mis when it came to Salt Lake City. I took advantage of youth programs at local theaters and took voice lessons, etc. But as I grew older and realized my standards, I decided the atmosphere around acting and theatre wasn't for me. It felt too worldly. I'm often grateful that I didn't continue to pursue that dream, because I think it would have caused me great heartache.

I was very impressed this week as I learned about successful people and their relationships with God. I suppose it should have been obvious to me that success is directly related to belief and obedience. It's one of those principles I've taken for granted and that I want to be more aware of in my own life.

Jeffrey A. Thompson gave a speech at BYU entitled "What Is Your Calling in Life?" and this quote really touched me: "I testify that when you focus your work first and foremost on blessing others, you will become extraordinary at what you do and will find fulfillment and success much more reliably than if you spend your time at work trying to get ahead or get rich." I've definitely found this to be true in my life. Every morning before I go to work, I pray to be able to be part of miracles. I think this has blessed my life even more than the lives of those around me.

I'm looking forward to learning more about myself during this class. I'm already considering new career choices that I never considered before and I'm sure I'm being spiritually guided.

Why I'm Here

Today marks my first official day as a student of BYU-Idaho Online. I've decided to study business management, and my first class is an introduction to entrepreneurship. I'm completely terrified ... and that's how I know this is a good thing. One of my assignments for the class is to have an entrepreneurial journal, and that's the purpose that this blog will be serving. I'd like to start my journal by explaining why I've chosen this path.

It's been almost a year since I started my first real job. I work for a local company - a natural health food store - and I love it. I remember thinking, when I was applying for jobs, that I hated the idea of being tied down and having a boss. I was spoiled by my flexible, homeschooled schedule growing up, and it didn't help that my parents were both self-employed and could take me on adventures whenever they wanted. I made money by doing flexible things like working for my parents and babysitting. I loved freedom. I was also in a relationship that was growing more serious and my heart screamed that I didn't want to find a job, but instead get married and have a child. Unfortunately, that dream was beyond unrealistic.

Somehow, I managed to embrace adulthood and the fact that I couldn't fly free forever. The bird inside me settled in the branches of a tree on the Good Earth Natural Foods logo and made herself comfortable - very comfortable.

Before I knew it, my dreams altered completely. I fell in love with retail. My relationship fell apart and my work became my backbone. I became so attached to my job that I couldn't bear the thought of ever losing it. I decided to pursue a degree in business management with the hope of eventually going corporate with my company. I worked hard, was rewarded greatly for it, and thrived. I was enjoying my comfortable tree branches a great deal until I came to two realizations:

1. BYU-Idaho's only online degree option for business management has an emphasis on entrepreneurship.
2. Working long-term with my company doesn't fit in at all with my ultimate goal of being a mother. I want to be the one to raise my children.

In one of my readings for this week, Jeff Sandefer states, "No one ever really wants change. We fear change. We want safety and stability and comfort." I couldn't agree with him more. When I came to those realizations, they really shook things up. I noticed that I'd become too comfortable and content with my present state. I'd let go of my ultimate dreams. I flew out of my tree just long enough to take a peek at possibilities, and I suddenly felt very conflicted.

Commit to a career with Good Earth, or encourage the hope of motherhood? Be content with my journey in retail, or pursue my writing and other passions I haven't yet discovered? Safety or adventure?

I always struggled with the fact that my degree choice had an emphasis on entrepreneurship - until I realized that was likely divinely planned, just as my entire life has been. As much as I adore where I work, I can see now that it's a stage that will eventually end. Deep down, I always knew that I couldn't reconcile the idea of a full-time management position with my other ambitions.

Until I settle down and have a family, I plan to enjoy my job and learn all that I can from it. But the moment I have a child, things will have to be different. I can't stand the thought of not being home with my children. If I need to contribute to the financial health of my family, the only option my heart will allow is working from home. And that is why I'm here.

We're encouraged to plan our futures and set goals, and that is my ultimate goal. Not to build a career working for someone else, but to build a family and to do what is necessary from home. I didn't completely make this decision until today. I was stubborn for a long time. I couldn't see how to choose both parts of myself. Now, however, I believe it's possible to fulfill both dreams. There must be a way to find the same kind of fulfillment I do at work in an independent pursuit, and still have my children on my lap. That is what I'm here to discover.

This is my journey. This is the first step in me choosing to fly.