Sharpening My Saw

This week, we learned about the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. The most meaningful of those habits to me is the seventh: "Sharpen the saw."

I am very guilty of using a blunt saw because I'm too busy or distracted to take care of it. I often feel myself burning out because I'm not taking the time to care for myself - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Covey talks about sharpening our saw in four dimensions: physical exercise, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional.

I always feel rejuvenated and positive after taking even a short jog. Exercising in that way brings me a great deal of joy, and yet, it's one of the things I procrastinate against the most. That's strange. I also find joy in studying scriptures and attending church meetings and dedicating myself to my faith, but sometimes it feels difficult to make enough time for those things. I also struggle to make time and energy for church service, even though I know it will bless me.

The dimension that my saw is the most blunt in is social/emotional. I work so hard to remain positive and lift up the people around me, but I tend to take so much water out of my own bucket that I'm eventually scraping the bottom with nothing left to give. I need to rejuvenate my own emotional stores and be more secure within myself so I can form and maintain better relationships.

I often get so obsessed over different areas in my life that my relationships suffer. I push myself too hard emotionally and then I'm constantly crying on the shoulders of the people I want to be happy with. That's why I'm going to focus on this seventh habit, sharpening my saw, so I can be truly successful both on the outside and the inside.

Self-Mastery

I've been most touched by two things this week:

1. There was a talk by N. Eldon Tanner in our readings this week called "Success is Gauged by Self-Mastery." In that talk, President Tanner shared this quote by Plato: "The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile." This hit me hard. We can take on a lot of worthwhile endeavors and change the lives of a lot of people, but the life we need to change most, or the person we need to change most ... is ourselves. I've struggled so much with myself this week, especially with my fears and insecurities. I've had such a hard time being able to visualize success. I need to conquer myself - my weaknesses, my worries, all of those natural things that are preventing me from pursuing the life I want.

2. In the book Mastery, I learned that "man is a learning animal." The book says, "In this light, the mastery of skills that are not genetically programmed is the most characteristically human of all activities." We were made to learn. Our purpose here on earth is to learn, and we've been given incredible bodies and especially minds to help us do so. Anything is possible because we are designed to learn and grow.

I also learned a lot this week about the importance of prioritizing family over business, as well as overcoming feelings of inadequacy. It seems that truly anyone with enough determination and a good idea can be an entrepreneur. That gives me a lot of hope.

Meaning and Mastery

I am learning so much about myself! I love that. This week has been a great lesson in courage, perseverance, and hard work.

We started reading Mastery by George Leonard and I was enthralled by the concepts described in the first chapters. Leonard talks a lot about how our society is fixated on the idea that we should have one climax after another - that we should keep experiencing highs and never plateau. He shares his own experiences with learning to embrace the plateau, which is a normal and vital part of progress. He emphasizes that we need to learn to love practice and find joy in simply doing what we love.

We also listened to a lecture called "A Hero's Journey" by Jeff Sandefer, which was quite profound. He taught us that a hero's journey is all about you and not at all about you. I think that's pretty typical of any hero - you have to be good enough to be completely selfless and serve. He also talked a lot about the importance of living a life of meaning, and that when we grow old, that's what will matter most. He said that when people over the age of 60 are interviewed, they will all voice similar opinions that only three things matter: Did I contribute something meaningful? Am I a good person? Who did I love, and who loved me? Those three questions bring everything we do into perspective. Am I working to contribute something meaningful? Am I becoming the person I want to be? Am I loving the people around me and allowing them to love me? I'll definitely be pondering those things this week.

Finally, we studied a woman named Erica Mills and her journey as an entrepreneur, which was very inspiring. Erica faced a lot of difficult situations and not only made the best of them, but used them as opportunities to grow and become better. I was very inspired by her example.

Faith, Goals, and Fears

This week was really amazing! I learned so much about myself. I finished reading "The Ministry of Business" by Steven Hitz and James Ritchie. That taught me so much about the connection between faith and business, and also a lot about ethics and the importance of self-awareness. My favorite part of the book (and class this week) was the assignment to write myself a personal constitution. I chose and prioritized my foundational values and then wrote about what kind of person I want to become. I also set a few goals that I've really needed to set.

One of my other assignments was an exercise called "Deconstructing Your Fears." In that exercise, I wrote down four of my main business fears, how I can avoid them, and how I'd act if they happened. In reflection, I was asked to answer these questions in my journal:

1. If you pursue your calling with discipline, intentionality, and the help of fellow travelers, what are the chances that your worst case scenario will really happen? Highly doubtful. Many of my biggest fears are completely ridiculous.
2. As you look at your list of fears, what themes emerge? What is at the core of what you really fear? Financial ruin? The judgment or disapproval of others? Physical harm? Endangering the ones you love? Embarrassment? The only theme I see is that three out of four leave me going full-time with my employer instead of pursuing my own dreams. I suppose I'm afraid of halted progress.
3. What is the risk of taking no action – not following your calling? How do you plan to deal with fear when it pops up on your entrepreneurial journey? The risk is never finding the best way that I can help people. That also includes never finding the best fulfillment for myself. I plan to deal with fear by leaning on my faith, my covenants, and all of the principles that I've learned in this class. I will try my best to never get discouraged and to work hard instead.

Our Hero: Magdalena

This week was absolutely profound. It began with many readings and videos about ethics and integrity. I was especially touched by this quote about Ezra Taft Benson, taken from a devotional by Sheri Dew:

"He acts like a man whose conscience is always clear–his testimony today will be the same next week...or a year from now. He doesn’t have to remember what he said to an opposition Senator at their last meeting. This is a built-in ulcer-saving device not always found in Washington" (New York Times Magazine, 11 April 1954).

I want to have such consistent morals and convictions that I never have to guess what I said about an important matter. I want to be so firm in my beliefs that I'll never cave and say something I don't mean.

I also gained a lot from a devotional called "Making a Living and a Life" by Elder Lynn G. Robbins. In this devotional, Elder Robbins discusses the importance of both making a living and taking care of the people around us. He uses a letter grading system to illustrate what level a person or company can be at in regards to motives. I am so grateful to work for a Grade A company.

Elder Robbins says this about Level A: "They will be a beloved employer and endeavor to help, not only their customers, but also their employees and community. They will have a baker’s dozen mentality with superior customer service." For the last year, I've been in an atmosphere of incredible love and encouragement, and we have the best customer service I've ever seen. We often talk about our 'hustle' to help our customers and the importance of dropping everything to do so. I hope I can always remain at Level A as I start my own business and walk through life.

In class, we also did a case study on a woman named Magdalena Yesil, and she is absolutely inspiring. The thing that impressed me most about her life and personality is that she didn't get discouraged. She was so brave and patient as she made her way from a young girl in Hungary to a successful, educated entrepreneur in America. She was also very teachable - a trait I'm still trying to develop. I hope to have the fire, passion, and light of Magdalena as I pursue my own dreams.

Childhood Dreams

This week, Randy Pausch's last lecture was part of my readings. I was asked to reflect on how he achieved his childhood dreams, and I think a lot of it is due to his determination and enthusiasm for life. He recognized the things he enjoyed and took it one step further from enjoyment to creation - such as his love for Disneyland.

One of my greatest childhood dreams was to become an actress. I was blessed with many opportunities growing up to pursue this dream. I was part of a local TV show and auditioned for a part in Les Mis when it came to Salt Lake City. I took advantage of youth programs at local theaters and took voice lessons, etc. But as I grew older and realized my standards, I decided the atmosphere around acting and theatre wasn't for me. It felt too worldly. I'm often grateful that I didn't continue to pursue that dream, because I think it would have caused me great heartache.

I was very impressed this week as I learned about successful people and their relationships with God. I suppose it should have been obvious to me that success is directly related to belief and obedience. It's one of those principles I've taken for granted and that I want to be more aware of in my own life.

Jeffrey A. Thompson gave a speech at BYU entitled "What Is Your Calling in Life?" and this quote really touched me: "I testify that when you focus your work first and foremost on blessing others, you will become extraordinary at what you do and will find fulfillment and success much more reliably than if you spend your time at work trying to get ahead or get rich." I've definitely found this to be true in my life. Every morning before I go to work, I pray to be able to be part of miracles. I think this has blessed my life even more than the lives of those around me.

I'm looking forward to learning more about myself during this class. I'm already considering new career choices that I never considered before and I'm sure I'm being spiritually guided.

Why I'm Here

Today marks my first official day as a student of BYU-Idaho Online. I've decided to study business management, and my first class is an introduction to entrepreneurship. I'm completely terrified ... and that's how I know this is a good thing. One of my assignments for the class is to have an entrepreneurial journal, and that's the purpose that this blog will be serving. I'd like to start my journal by explaining why I've chosen this path.

It's been almost a year since I started my first real job. I work for a local company - a natural health food store - and I love it. I remember thinking, when I was applying for jobs, that I hated the idea of being tied down and having a boss. I was spoiled by my flexible, homeschooled schedule growing up, and it didn't help that my parents were both self-employed and could take me on adventures whenever they wanted. I made money by doing flexible things like working for my parents and babysitting. I loved freedom. I was also in a relationship that was growing more serious and my heart screamed that I didn't want to find a job, but instead get married and have a child. Unfortunately, that dream was beyond unrealistic.

Somehow, I managed to embrace adulthood and the fact that I couldn't fly free forever. The bird inside me settled in the branches of a tree on the Good Earth Natural Foods logo and made herself comfortable - very comfortable.

Before I knew it, my dreams altered completely. I fell in love with retail. My relationship fell apart and my work became my backbone. I became so attached to my job that I couldn't bear the thought of ever losing it. I decided to pursue a degree in business management with the hope of eventually going corporate with my company. I worked hard, was rewarded greatly for it, and thrived. I was enjoying my comfortable tree branches a great deal until I came to two realizations:

1. BYU-Idaho's only online degree option for business management has an emphasis on entrepreneurship.
2. Working long-term with my company doesn't fit in at all with my ultimate goal of being a mother. I want to be the one to raise my children.

In one of my readings for this week, Jeff Sandefer states, "No one ever really wants change. We fear change. We want safety and stability and comfort." I couldn't agree with him more. When I came to those realizations, they really shook things up. I noticed that I'd become too comfortable and content with my present state. I'd let go of my ultimate dreams. I flew out of my tree just long enough to take a peek at possibilities, and I suddenly felt very conflicted.

Commit to a career with Good Earth, or encourage the hope of motherhood? Be content with my journey in retail, or pursue my writing and other passions I haven't yet discovered? Safety or adventure?

I always struggled with the fact that my degree choice had an emphasis on entrepreneurship - until I realized that was likely divinely planned, just as my entire life has been. As much as I adore where I work, I can see now that it's a stage that will eventually end. Deep down, I always knew that I couldn't reconcile the idea of a full-time management position with my other ambitions.

Until I settle down and have a family, I plan to enjoy my job and learn all that I can from it. But the moment I have a child, things will have to be different. I can't stand the thought of not being home with my children. If I need to contribute to the financial health of my family, the only option my heart will allow is working from home. And that is why I'm here.

We're encouraged to plan our futures and set goals, and that is my ultimate goal. Not to build a career working for someone else, but to build a family and to do what is necessary from home. I didn't completely make this decision until today. I was stubborn for a long time. I couldn't see how to choose both parts of myself. Now, however, I believe it's possible to fulfill both dreams. There must be a way to find the same kind of fulfillment I do at work in an independent pursuit, and still have my children on my lap. That is what I'm here to discover.

This is my journey. This is the first step in me choosing to fly.